Today felt a lot different than yesterday did. I awoke this morning and felt lighter, alive, and full of purpose. Clouds that had been hanging over my head for over a year had finally dissipated to reveal a bright blue sky (or rather gray but with a nice warm breeze). What could have happened to cause such a change in my disposition? What could have happened to lighten my load? What was the series of complex events that led to this awakening? Well, it’s actually pretty simple. I quit my job.
Although I had been planning it for a couple of months now, and thinking about it ever since they chopped my pay, it was always this nebulous thing that was going to happen ‘pretty soon.’ Yesterday, when I finally pulled my boss aside and told him that I was done, it finally became a reality. I had stepped over a line and could no longer go back. From now on I had to look forward and plan what to do next because I was on my own and without support. The resources I had (and will receive over the next 2 paychecks) would be all that I had to make my dream a reality (see Tramp Royal).
My boss, upon hearing the news, furrowed his brow and looked to fall into deep thought for a moment, then looked at me and said, ‘Really? Okay.” I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that he didn’t even ask why, perhaps he knew, perhaps he didn’t care, but I was.
The next day the news was received by the rest of my coworkers with a shrug of the shoulders and a ‘Where are you going to go?’ Not a single person asked why. Two years of my life at this company working to market their goods seeing these people day in and day out yet…I can only shake my head. This day was no surprise to anyone, they all knew that some day I was going to leave. The thought that I might stay with this company long term didn’t even cross their minds (which probably explains their complete lack of support or interest).
The page I am on in life is finally being turned to reveal a new and blank one which is for the best because I’ve been scribbling in the margins of this one for a while. I don’t know exactly what my future will bring but then again no one really does. What I do know is that I have decided what to do next. I have determined my ‘destination,’ grabbed the wheel and set sail. The part of my life where I drifted aimlessly going with the current is over. Though it does seem like I will be doing the same thing around Southeast Asia it is different. How I cannot explain exactly but for the first time in my life I feel like I’m grabbing the reins rather then let the horses run free.
I may or may not be making the right choice about my future but at least I am making one.
My Crazy Japanese Life is coming to an end, but my days as a Tramp Royal are beginning!