Time to call it quits like these leaves
Something dawned on me as I sat staring at my computer at work last week. How it had slipped my mind after thinking about it so much I don’t know but it did. I pulled out my wallet to check the date on my Japanese green card and sure enough I had missed it, my five year anniversary of coming to Japan. I let out a sharp laugh causing my coworkers to look up. ‘Is everything okay?’ one asked with a puzzled face.
‘Yes. I just realized that yesterday was my five year anniversary of coming to Japan’ I replied shaking my head. ‘Wow…that’s amazing…’ she said with a half-smile pausing about 10 seconds before returning to work.
I decided that it would be pointless to mention that I had been coming to this company for four years and working for them directly for two. It might have elicited another thoughtful ‘amazing’ but I didn’t want to overexcite her.
Five years. I have lived in Japan for five years. Saying that out loud feels so weird. When I think about those five years I wonder where the time has gone.
It’s strange because I still remember clearly the feeling of ‘oh man, what am I doing?’ I had as I looked out of the window of my plane as it descended into Kansai airport with the evening sun. It’s not a ‘just yesterday’ memory but it’s not a ‘back in the day’ one either.
I originally came here only to spend a year or two getting to know the country and do some traveling. It was a new challenge to sharpen my ‘edge.’ My mom had wanted me back much sooner then that. It took her two or three years to stop asking ‘when are you coming back home?’
Japan is a place that can pull you in and keep you, like quicksand.
Despite all the crap I give this country it is an easy place to live. If you can ignore/endure/diffuse the racism around you this place is a paradise. It is safe, fun, and the people are some of the most hospitable in the world.
You have to be very careful to know when it is time to get out because if you miss that window of opportunity, well, you’re stuck. For some people that’s a good thing, for some people it’s not.
The key to making this place your home is either to have low ambitions or very focused ones. If you don’t fit into either of those categories you’d better set an end date or soon you will find your head spinning, staring into a mirror at the first few strands of grey hair wondering what the heck happened.
I stood up and walked to the front of my company where we have a large window that overlooks the street and gives a good view of the neighborhood. Staring out the window into the reflected light of yet another setting sun I decided to dig my heels in and stop the uncontrolled flow of time.
I have goals I wish to accomplish, things I wish to experience and places to go. Unfortunately these things cannot be accomplished in Japan which means I have to pull myself out of the quicksand. That won’t be easy, especially with how deep I am already in. My window of opportunity is closing and I can feel it in my bones.
Five years. That’s a long time.
I turned around and walked back to my desk. My coworkers were still staring intently at their computers thinking only about what bit of work they had to do next.
Me I had a little more on my mind.
It’s time to move on.
Only in Japan.
